Thesis

Friday nights, three weeks from now will look entirely different.  In the midst of the battle with my thesis project, I decided to have a normal Friday -  ended up at a birthday party, and at a house warming party at my own house.  Saturday Morning, I wake up with a child in my face, bright eye, and seemingly more free the I can ever be again.

I’m being cryptic, but I think I am clear, at least to those that are capable of understanding.  There are always things that get swept under the rug.  Whether they are things that you didn’t realize matter, or even if you did, something else became more attractive.  Along the way, you manage to lie to yourself and even though it hurts, you continue because you don’t know what to do.  It’s an entirely lonely position, that even your own rational mind disappears.  Paralyze body, and a mind that won’t slow down, all you need is something to crash into.  It’s a scary proposition, because you have to trust in your own ability to put yourself back together again, and if you can’t, then you have to trust that someone will be there when you can’t.  And as bad as all this sounds, you feel like you’ve been given a bad hand in life, or you’ve lost a really great hand, either way, working out of a percieved hole, just plain sucks when the world is pushing down.